Days 0606, 0607 & 0608

If you asked me to describe the most marked difference between men and women in terms of character, this is what I would say: as a group women seem more able to pair gentleness with decisiveness, softness with assertiveness.
As a group, the men I’ve met are not so successful at this. There tends to be one or the other; not an imbalance so much as an absence.

Halfman and my current boss in particular show gentleness, softness and an utter lack of decisiveness. When decisions are made, they are entirely passive and so not decisions at all, but life getting fed up with waiting for them to make up their minds.

The Love of My Life was decisive, and thoughtful in many ways but not gentle. Not gentle in touch. Not gentle in treatment. I love a rough and tumble tackle into a. Snowdrift more than the Next Girl but I also like to be caught and held above the hard bottom of life once in a while. I want to be saved from knowing I can feel the pea under the mattress.

Because I already know it’s there.

There must be men out there – beyond the Prince Charmings I conjure in my head – who can combine the two things.

Maybe?

Days 0388, 0389 & 0390

Is there anything nicer than being cared for when you’re feeling like crap? I slept with a supersoft aloe tissue up either nostril last night, pillows piled to tip my snot filled head forward. It was miserable.
But it made me think back to those days when I was a kid and sick.
And how lucky I was and am to have a dad to loves, just loves, to care. Thoughtful soups and regular visits. A bit of humour and cajoling. Being sick when I was a kid was never lonely.
So it makes me wonder why I ended up with men who do not do that.
My first live in boyfriend reacted to me having bronchitis by sticking me in the bathtub and forgetting me while he went and sat in the living room, ate dinner and watched our favorite tv show. When a speaker fell on my face (don’t ask) and spilt my face apart at my nostril his only reaction was to ask me to cover it up! He didn’t like blood.
He Who shall Not Be Named hated it when I got sick. ‘You’re not making any money’ was his reaction to me herniating a vertebrae that kept me off my feet and away from work for three months. A case of gastro shared by me and his son ‘ruined’ his weekend to the point that he dragged our vomitus, seeping bodies on a two hour drive to a food fair.
‘Don’t you want something to eat?’ Was his surprised reaction when I turned down a bowl of tempura fries mushrooms.
These incidents make me look like a bit of an idiot for picking guys so far from what my ideal is. But I had thought they had the essentials of being caring that would make them good carers. You can’t time sickness to happen at the early stages of a relationship can you? Like some sort of test?
What characteristic am I reading wrong? Or is it a fatal flaw to which I’m turning a blind eye?

Day 0004

Sexist comments: 0.5 (Couldn’t catch what they whispered and leery smiled to each other when I walked past. Next time I promise myself I will stop and ask.)

Arsehat males directly dealt with: 1 — there is always that one

Kind gentle males who treated me like a human and told me I was ‘impressively strong’: 1

Tortured, beautiful male souls that I wish I could gently caress with an angel’s wing: 1

A hard day but adding up the above, I think I came out on top. As did today’s men.

Manlessness rating: -15