Days 0845, 0846, 0847 & 0848

Grrrr.

Having your looks commented on in a work context.

Ugh.

And then the implication that if you raise these comments as inappropriate and/or demeaning, you are just a bitch who needs some time with a male to relax.

Ugh. Ugh.

I’ve had a number of men (usually over the age of 50) comment to me on how difficult it is for them to function in a professional world where they’re no longer able to compliment a female on her looks or the length of her skirt without being unjustly slapped with the label of ‘sexist’.

Gee. It really must be hard keeping those irrelevant thoughts to yourself.

So painful to have to ogle women as if they are ‘other’ rather than just look upon them as a brain and fellow contributor to a conversation.

Closely related to this hellish part of male existence is their ability to mistake ‘being polite’ for ‘flirtation’.

Seriously now, a female smiling and saying ‘hello’ at a work meeting or waggling their wit in front of you must just be their way of saying ‘take me now – I only work so I can meet eligible middle aged be-gutted, balding men like you’.

I’d say ‘BITE ME’ to the lot of them, but I’m pretty sure that would be misconstrued.

Day 0187

How is a woman in today’s ‘modern’ workplace meant to complain when a male staff member constantly ogles her body – and that of others – as if it’s no big deal. The male is at least aware enough that it’s bad behaviour that he’s stopped making comments out loud. But how do you maintain your feminist strength while saying ‘everytime employee X speaks to me, he looks down my top and then makes eye contact with my legs’?

The problem with reporting it or even raising it as bad behaviour still lies in that image women have of themselves as ‘I need to be able to take a compliment/joke’ coupled with concern that everyone else will think they have tickets on themselves to think anyone would want to ogle them.

And yet the behaviour is wrong and should be outed as such.

What an odd web women are forced to negotiate in workplaces (and in daily life) where we are criticised for not being able to ‘take a joke’ while being told to stand up for what is right and what is wrong behaviour.

Is it just that we are still only partially through the feminist revolution?

As a good friend keeps saying to me: It will be alright in the end. It just isn’t the end yet.

Day 0164

I suspect this is news only to me, but apparently men and women can put together a something that requires thought and instructions without being snide or cruel to each other. I’ve seen this happen perhaps once previously but tonight was the first time I experienced it for myself.
No one got grumpy and tossed anything. No one yelled at me and told me to just stand ‘over there’ until they figured something out. No one took over and acted like they were in charge.
And the whole thing got done well and happily.
Not only is this a strange and welcome experience but it’s shown me that I might not be to blame for all the shouting brought about by this sort of activity previously. In fact, I might be quite ok at it when I’m not being yelled at and told I’m stupid.
Fancy that.

Days 0132 & 0133

I feel querulous. What does one do when faced with a male who appears to want nothing more than to enjoy one’s company? And who genuinely appears to find the myriad thoughts bazinging around my head interesting?

When I move out of this gentle company I feel utterly confused by the pleasantness of the experience. It unbalances me.

My reaction is not to trust the gut feeling of calm and to start parsing it down, start finding the hidden motivation behind this or that statement. I am working hard not to do that.

It is more than a little disappointing to realise years of bracing for someone to explode with rage at something ‘thoughtless’ or ‘stupid’ or ‘unsophisticated’ I have unknowingly and unintentionally done have set me up to be afraid to relax and just be Me.

 

Day 0007

Felt a bit Angry At The World today. Everyone got on my nerves. Turned on the wrong element on the stove so dinner took forever. Dropped a box of cookies which graciously exploded all over the floor. Am keen for someone to give me a hard time so I can snap at them. Or cry. Or both.

Sexist comments: 0

Arsehat males directly dealt with: 0.2

Time spent in male-related self pity: FTM