I hate that a complicated inside attracts me to a person almost regardless of what they look like. Surely the outside of a person is not to be totally bypassed in favour of their brains and heart? Because the outside – especially at my ripening age – does tell you about that person. If they look mean, they probably have spent their life being mean, is all I’m trying to say.
It’s probably just the usual ‘listen to your gut’ message in the end. And when I let my brain talk me out of what my gut is telling me: things like ‘he’s treating you poorly’, ‘that thing he just said is both preposterous and mean’. I can turn these into ‘he’s had a hard day’ and ‘everybody says dumb things once in a while’.
I am trying to retrain myself with online dating sites. I don’t actually feel much like going on a date. Life and past relationship errors are still sucking most of the marrow away from that.
Which is probably the safest place for me to be while I hone my ‘don’t make excuses’ selection technique.
Some Gut Clues are simple: a bride’s arm disembodied but still in the photo clearly taken at a – no HIS – wedding, those bloody wrap around sunglasses instead of eye balls, a drink in hand, a big engine/boy toy as companion, girlies surrounding his smiling face and any mention of liking things to be ‘orderly’.
Yup. So that just about eliminates them all. But the great thing about these sites is that I know nothing about these people. There is no compassion/empathy arising in my brain to make excuses for them.
I may have dismissed the most wonderful guy in the world. But surely, surely if there is a god, that One Guy is not wearing those crack dealer sunglasses anywhere on his being.
1000 days 